After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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