I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
