He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
