I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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