I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
