May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
