I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
