i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
