I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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