rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
