did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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