I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
