I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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