to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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