So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
