so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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