At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
