I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
