he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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