Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
