I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
