ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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