he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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