im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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