I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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