I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sarcasm needs its own font
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
