Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
