I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
