it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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