bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
