I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
