Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
