Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
