hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
