OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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