Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize