im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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