my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He did a backflip because drugs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize