i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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