a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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