just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
