She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
