We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
