dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
