zippers are such a cool invention
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
