It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was confusing and full of hummus
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
