nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
