OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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