i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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