oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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