Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize