goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
