I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
