I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A+ Viking dick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
