So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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