The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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