Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
