Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
