If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize