batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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