If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
