I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
