Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
