I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
