a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
