Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
